martes, abril 11, 2006

Phanty, el elefantito

Phanty, lanzando su mirada cautivadora. ¡Atención,señoritas! ¡Cuidado!



Nacido una lluviosa mañana de julio, Phanty emite un grito huracanado que espanta y sorprende a los padres de tal forma que lo inscriben en una academia de canto.
Pero no hay manera de que el muchacho obedezca ni bajo la más severa disciplina: Mastica las cortinas del salón (labor desde entonces reservada únicamente a los erizos domésticos, pero venenosos...), orina en las paredes, gira los cuadros, lame las patas de las mesas...pero cantar, lo que es cantar...ni por casualidad.

Observando lo inquieto de su carácter, le suscriben a un curso de decoración interior, arte postmoderno y escapartismo metalingüístico para que de rienda suelta a su creatividad.
Pero en pocas semanas, este rebelde niño de colmillos de marfil y musculada trompa irrumpe en el museo nacional de muñecas de porcelana con una hoz y un martillo y unos clavos y un campo de trigo, y allí comienza a ejecutar una performance de tal magnitud que termina con la destrucción de la colección del museo en billones de pedazos mínusculos de porcelana que se clavan en ojos, manos y cara de los asistentes.

Tras estos dos fracasos personales, los padres deciden que su criaturilla (ya en edad adolescente) elija por si mismo una profesión de futuro y que le plazca... El jovencito Phanty, con su buena dosis de picardía e intuición empresaria, cree que lo mejor sería montar su propio circo de hormigas; un grandísimo y elegante circo lleno de magia, luz, color, y lo más importante, sin fieras medio comidas por las pulgas.

Tuvo un éxito atronador en todas las representaciones que dio en pueblos y grandes ciudades de su país natal, Andorra. Y tan grande fue su dedicación y amor a su circo, que terminó casándose con la hormiguita trapecista, de nombre Luisa Fernanda, pero conocida por todos por Luferna, la diablesa del trapecio.

Unos años más tarde, clausurada toda actividad del circo, que por cierto se llamaba 'El Circo Ambulante de la Fantasía, El Color Verde Pistacho, Las Cáscaras de Pipa, Las Miguitas de Pan, Etc. de Luz y de Color, Chin-Pon!'; como decíamos, clausurada toda actividad del circo por una tontería de un asuntillo de drogas y pederastia de nada... Luferna se retiró de la profesión para vivir con su esposo Phanty, hecho que hizo que descuidara su físico; engordó, fue perdiendo el cabello, y lo que es peor, al no depilarse...su piel tersa y suave cual terciopelo fue sustituida por un horroroso bigote moreno como el azabache. De esta manera, Phanty fue perdiendo el interés y el cariño con ella hasta que un día, como sin darse cuenta, la aplastó de un pisotón, y desde entonces, sin saberlo él, ella le acompaña en cada paso que da.....

Y hasta aquí todo por hoy.

18 Comments:

At 8:42 p. m., Blogger Ana C. said...

Estremecido me he...¿echará de menos Phanty el ciertopelo de Luferna? porque, sabrá milord, que sólo echamos en falta lo que nos ídem...en fin, espero la continuación del -qué dolor- tremendo pisotón.

 
At 11:29 p. m., Blogger Clarice Baricco said...

¿No será que por cada pisada de Phanty se multipliquen muchas Lufernas?

gracias por detenerse en mi ventana.

 
At 4:35 a. m., Blogger Enrique Gallud Jardiel said...

No entiendo por qué se metió en el proceloso mundo del circo. Ser rompedor de museos nacionales es una profesión tan digna como otra cualquiera, quizá con menos competencia que otras.
Aquí no, porque estamos atrasados, pero en otros países hay hasta premios para el que rompe mejor un museo. Si quiere saber más sobre el tema entre en www.actosvandálicosybrutalidadesvarias.com/ donde está toda la información.

 
At 4:06 a. m., Blogger Sandy Gallia said...

Bueno, me siento identificada con la historia hasta cierto punto... no con lo del bigote negro azabache (bueno el amor de mi vida tiene uno y es una dicha que no lo tenga yo también si no aquello sería genial y combinaríamos muy bien) pero si con la afición del monito... yo no rompo museos, los toco... he sido expulsada de los mejores museos del pais... asi que ahora voy por la internacionalización

 
At 7:29 p. m., Blogger Lord Grayworth said...

Disculpen mi ausencia, que, aunque en realidad no estaba ausente estaba más bien expectante (se dice así?) y sorprendido de sus mensajes que cada vez son más maravillosos.

Creo que esta vez voy a contestarlos todos de golpe para que luego no digan: -hala cuantos mensajes te dejan...!-no, si la mitad o más son míos, jiji.

Asínque:

*Queridísima Ana C.:Me duele más a mi que a usté que no haya continuación de esta historia ya que se autoconcluye ella sola por sí misma. Lo mío no son las continuaciones, aunque se trate de relatar historias reales y verdaderas como ésta. Snif!
Sí, he dicho snif!.

*No menos queridísima Clarice Baricco: Gracias a usteda por asomarse a mi humilde covachuela y... es muy probable que de una pisotada de semejante potencia se multipliquen Luisas Fernandas por doquier (horror!), aunque espero que no sea así...

*Estimado y admirado don Enrique Gallud Jardiel:
Bien es sabido que cuando se vive a la sombra de unos padres tan severos y disciplinarios como los del señorito Phanty, es imposible dar rienda suelta a los anhelos personales ni a cualquier mínimo detallito de creatividad y diversión (reunidas en iguales condiciones en este entretenido pasatiempo y profesión que es la de destrozar museos), así que, tristemente tuvo que verse forzado a cambiar de profesión porque sus malditos progenitores no veían con buenos ojos esta honrada y a la vez sublime dedicación del tierno elefante...

*Siempre respetada humildemente desde el cariño Sandy Gallia:
Su afición delata una actitud tímida ante la vida; desde aquí le animo a que dé un paso más hacia adelante y que rompa con su vergüenza y se decida de una vez a destrozar obras de arte y piezas museísticas por cualquier sala de exposiciones, galería o fundación con que se tope en su camino...
Dios sabe que no hay nada más relajante y edificante y elefante que eso.
Le imagino con un bigote negro azabache y la imagen es por lo menos imponente.

 
At 10:34 a. m., Blogger Enrique Gallud Jardiel said...

Querido Don Lord:

Tengonunan proposición indecente que hacerle. Por favor, escríbame a mi correo y mándeme su direeción para que se la pueda hacer en privado.

egjardiel@hotmail.com

(Estábamos preocupados por usted y su silencio. ¿Era enfermedad o condena?)

 
At 2:58 p. m., Blogger Lord Grayworth said...

Querido don Enrique:

Contestádole he a través del sistema de mensajería de acumulación electrónica, siguiendo los parámetros adecuados que muy amablemente me ha proporcionado...

Mi silencio era producto del común síntoma conocido como perrerismo (no confundir con el doggie style) primaveral... non se preocupare...ya pasó, creo

 
At 8:21 p. m., Blogger Ana C. said...

Querido Lord Grayworth (dos puntos)

me alegra inmensamente -hasta el infinito y más allá- vuestra vuelta al...hogar? Creo que para el perrerismo primaveral viene muy bien el gato con botas; el can huye en presencia de ciertos bigotes.

Aunque mi estado sea "desconnecting" os visitaré de manera frecuente, si tenéis a bien que creo que yes.

Cuideseme usted, le envío una caja de lenguas de gato, a ver qué tal le van.

Afectuosamente y etc, etc, etc.

 
At 12:55 a. m., Blogger David said...

'El Circo Ambulante de la Fantasía, El Color Verde Pistacho, Las Cáscaras de Pipa, Las Miguitas de Pan, Etc. de Luz y de Color, Chin-Pon!'

Nada más que añadir

 
At 4:28 a. m., Blogger Lord Grayworth said...

Sepa donda Vid, gerente de viñedos Falcon and Crest-a de Gallito, que le puedo acusar de flagrante plagio en toda regla....es sólo un aviso y vale por esta vez y que conste que no soy un blandengue sino que me contengo y nosequé...pero la próxima vez nos veremos en los tribunales si mi mafia organizada de latin kings no zanja el asunto por las malas...baste un chasquido para que eso ocurra, asínque....cuidadín que no es gerundio pero como si lo furiese.

Un besito, muá

 
At 4:02 a. m., Blogger Lord Grayworth said...

Queridanacé:

Sí, este viene siendo un hogar para mí y mis criaturas imaginio-literatas y de mi compañero en armas, que permanece en posición horizontal durante gran número de horas al día y a la noche.

Se agradecen ahora y siempre las visitas furtivas a este modesto (y a veces inhóspito) local virtual de reunión.

Recibidas las lenguas de gato, siguiendo las indicaciones de posología, cada 8 horas me tomo dos, y parece que los síntomas desaparecen...flush!

Etc,etc, y afectuosamente también.

 
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